No, not the Alfred Hitchcock kind who come and attack you, trying to peck your eyes out. I'm talking about Finches and Sparrows, and the occasional Stellar Jay or Woodpecker. Two weeks ago, when it started snowing, we began throwing out bird seed for the little things and they started coming in droves. I guess we still miss our cats. And the hummingbirds.
There were so many on this tree at one time ( I counted 17 ) that they looked like Christmas ornaments. The wonderful thing is, they don't cause a ruckus. Occasionally a Stellar Jay will come by and get loud, but there are so many birds out there that no one particular kind seems to stay for long. It's like they come in shifts.
We won't spend a lot of money on this because it's not really good for the birds to rely on us. Where we live they definitely don't have to. Most of the ones we've seen have been plump little suckers, so I know they're doing well in the food department.
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My grades were good, work was going fine, and I met a girl in one of my classes that I fell very hard for. We were one week from our final exams and it was winter quarter, I remember that. My girlfriend didn’t have any classes that day and I know that I rode my bicycle from my mother’s house to the college. It was probably no later than 9am and there was a bit of snow on the ground. When I entered the school nothing seemed odd or out of place. I did not have my guard up, and hadn’t for many months. I guess I thought that I wasn’t important enough for anyone to notice I wasn’t around anymore. Looking back, I see that I was being pretty delusional. Psychotic. Stupid. You see, that I’d checked out of the work-release center was no problem, but the fact that I hadn’t okayed it with my parole officer WAS a big deal. The plan had been for my new partner and I to do so well, so quickly, that being “on the run” wouldn’t be an issue. We’d have the money to remain anonymous, the contacts to get new identities, etc. You see – delusional! By the time I called my mother and asked her if I could move in for a short while, there was already a warrant out for my arrest. I’d violated my parole by leaving the work-release center (essentially changing my address) without permission. Not to mention, if I pissed into a cup they’d find some pretty unacceptable substances. I made things worse for myself by leaving the state (Oregon) without permission too, by moving in with my mother in Washington. But I figured if I stayed out of trouble I would somehow stay under the radar, and nobody would come after me. I’d already done my time, so it wasn’t like I hadn’t been punished for my crime(s). This was just parole, which was essentially an attempt at continued control over my life and freedoms. I’d had enough of that in prison.
When I got the job in Washington, I used my real name. When I enrolled in school I used my real name again. I wasn’t really trying to hide, I just couldn’t believe they’d actually take the time and spend the money to look for me. That delusional state of mind helped me believe that I was just unimportant enough to slide by. I deluded myself into believing that simply violating my parole was no big deal. They wouldn’t possibly spend as much money as they would need to, just to find me and bring me back to Oregon for a parole violation! Boy was I ever wrong about that.
I think my first class was “Music”. I didn’t see the two individuals standing by the door to the classroom as I approached it. I was completely caught off guard when a man in a suit approached me and asked if I was “____ ____”. Had I been on the lookout, I probably would have seen the men and taken steps to avoid them, or at least tried to get away from them when they approached me. As it was, I was so stunned that I admitted I was who they were looking for and let them lead me to the security office in the lower part of the building without saying a word. They didn’t handcuff me until they got me into an “interview” room, which was very decent of them. I found out soon enough that they were FBI agents and that I was indeed important enough to come looking for.
I was transported back to Oregon and given four months in prison for leaving the state without permission. This is when I had my brief stay at Oregon State Penitentiary. That place was fucking scary, and I’ll admit now that it was a damn good choice on the part of my parole officer, sending me there. When I’d done my four months I asked for permission to move to Washington and go back to school. I’d failed all of my classes because I didn’t make it to winter finals, but I knew that I could get a second chance if I went back and enrolled again. I’d be on academic probation, but I’d still be going to school. They gave me permission and I went to live with my girlfriend instead of my mother. She continued to take classes and I enrolled again, but we allowed our personal life to get really complicated, and it wound up affecting our grades and attendance. I blew my second chance at college by giving up and moving out of the state again, without permission. This time it was back to Oregon, because I’m mental like that. And yes, eventually I was caught and taken back to Washington, where I again had to serve a small sentence for leaving the state without permission. Once out, I got permission to move back to Oregon, and things kind of went like that for the next few years; me doing stuff without permission and eventually getting caught and punished for it. They wanted to control where I lived, where I worked, whether I drank or smoked marijuana, etc. I just wanted my freedom back.
Why am I telling you all of this? I guess because I’ve been touting the benefits of an education to my friend Dewaine again, despite the fact that I know damn well it’s not an automatic ticket to a better life. People try to make it seem that way, but a basic college education today really isn’t worth shit. For me, going to school was about putting my mind on a better track. It was about surrounding myself with people who had goals beyond their next paycheck and the amount of alcohol they could consume in a single evening. I’ve always pushed Dewaine to want more from his life, and recently we had a bit of a falling out because I saw him still going nowhere after six plus years of knowing each other. I keep suggesting he just take one class, and get a taste for it. I am confident he will find it is NOTHING like high school, and it will get him headed in directions he never even considered. Anything to get him out of the rut he was in.
So that’s my story about college, and that is admittedly the extent of my college education. Thus the bad spelling, poor grammar and often terrible punctuation. I don’t regret not getting a college education. My life probably wouldn’t have been much different, if I’d stayed in school, or tried to go to college earlier. Condsidering the amount of trouble I’ve been in, in the past, and what I would currently be doing with that education, I’d say it was money well not spent. I could be wrong, but the point is now moot.
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I’ve had to deal with a lot of unnecessary bullshit from Clips4Sale over the last couple of months, but it has gotten really bad lately. I call to ask questions or request assistance, but they NEVER answer, and when I leave a message I might as well be talking to myself because I never get a call back. I don’t think, in the last three years, that I’ve gotten more than one returned phone call. No lie. And when I write to them and ask for help, I generally have to send the same e-mail multiple times before I MAYBE get a response. If I’m lucky, they understand what the issue is and they don’t ask me to repeat myself. I’ve gotten so I save a copy of whatever I’ve written them, so that all I have to do is copy&paste instead of writing the whole thing out again. That, and I’ve taken to stating in bold letters JUST HOW MANY TIMES I’VE SENT THEM THE SAME QUESTION/REQUEST FOR HELP. It’s been a bit frustrating.
Two days ago I just decided to say, “Fuck it” and send them a nasty letter that pretty much asked what the hell their problem was. This finally elicited a response, even though you can probably guess it wasn’t a helpful one. I’ve had an issue with one of my stores/studios for over two months now and I’ve only talked to or heard from ONE person in all that time. ONE! I’ve sent multiple messages about this problem, and even called a couple of times, but I’ve gotten nowhere. The Clips4Sale staff doesn’t seem to give a shit. They don’t have the decency to respond, so I have given up.
The good news is, we now have clips for sale here, on our own site, so the only benefit of continuing to deal with Clips4Sale is getting their traffic to come our way. There is no denying that they are one of, if not THE biggest site of their kind, and at one time I thought our relationship was a good one. They are the only site we’ve discovered that doesn’t try to take all but 40% of the money we earn in sales. In fact, that’s the exact amount they do take – 40% - which is more than fair in my opinion. Their popularity alone, along with the amount of traffic that goes through there daily, is enough of a reason for us to give up that 40%, and I’ve never had reason to complain about that. Still don’t. Now that we’ve stopped selling and shipping DVDs (legal reasons) the only money that comes in is from clip sales and custom requests. MY LOVE usually gets paid to model on professional sites like HardTied, Fetish Nation, Society SM and House of Gord, but that money almost always goes towards travel expenses and stuff like that. Nobody out there is paying ALL expenses right now, and taking me with her only adds to the costs. So, it’s nice to not have to rely almost solely on Clips4Sale for our monthly earnings.
And the clips are starting to sell pretty good here. I’ve priced almost every single one at least a dollar or two less than it is on Clips4Sale, and soon I hope to put up “exclusive” clips that are only available here, and NOT on C4S. The selection isn’t as extensive yet, as it is there, but I’m working on it. I’m not going to just put every clip we have on Clips4Sale on our site as well, because some of them are older and the quality isn’t so good, but someday I hope the selection will exceed that of the 9 studios we currently have there.
If you haven’t already, click on “Clips” and take a look at our stores.
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During the relatives’ recent visit, everyone took a look at our bookcases, trying to find something to read. I think we have pretty good taste in literature, but there was one shelf that I was a little worried about. When I saw someone looking at it I always made it clear that the shelf, and all the books on it, belonged to MY LOVE. When you see the titles you’ll know why I wanted to set their mind at ease a bit, since I was a total stranger to them, and they to me. Here they are:
The Mammoth Book of Unsolved Crimes
The Search for the Green River Killer
Bestial: The Savage Trail of a True American Monster
Helter Skelter (that’s mine actually)
Rope Burns
The Last Victim: A True-Life Journey into the Mind of a Serial Killer
Whoever Fights Monsters
Die For Me
Depraved
On the House: The Bizarre Killing of Michael Malloy
Encyclopedia of Serial Killers
The Most Evil Women in History
My Bloody Valentine: Couples Whose Sick Crimes Shocked the World
Yes, MY LOVE is one sick fuck. She reads these books before she goes to bed, and it’s like foreplay for her I swear. For Christmas she got a few titles like “The Murderer Next Door: Why the Mind is Designed to Kill”, "Cellar of Horror", "Butcher" and “The Bike Path Killer”, and there are more on the way. Got to keep MY GIRL happy!
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Here are some photos from the shoot MY LOVE/Catherine de Sade was involved in, a few months ago, when we were in San Diego.
The photographer is Joe Rohraff, and the only contact information I have for him right now is - www.fetlife.com/users/293140
MY LOVE got to keep the gorgeous latex dress that she wore for part of the shoot. That, and the pictures we will be getting were her only payment. Sometimes she works with people for exposure, or just to trade content. In this case, it had a lot to do with the dress.
Hope you enjoy the photos. We'll put more up when we get them.
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