A friend shared this with me today...
"There are really two kinds of submissives in the world: those who believe they don't deserve any better…and those who believe they don't deserve any less." ~author unknown
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First things first - if you’re just here to check out some sample clips from our movies, or maybe purchase one of our DVDs, go ahead and click the “Videos” button on the right side of the screen, in the Links box. That’ll take you where you need to go.
This blog started in 2006, on Alt.com. During our time there we told anyone who’d listen about our sex life, our deviant desires, our amazing love story, our failures and disappointments, and our good days along the way. I shared my music and poetry and MY LOVE talked about new, exciting personal discoveries. We were both honest and humble, and I think those are just a couple of good reasons why we had so many "watchers" - so many fans. We also told you, in unabashed, vulgar detail about our sexual activities - some of which went to the extreme. Many of you liked what you read and eagerly came back for more. Some of you were probably shocked - even appalled by what you read - but you came back anyways. To see if we would top ourselves or go too far... to see if we were real... to see...
We must say: "Welcome Back" to all of you who were around during that time. You gave us confidence, constructive feedback, and a much-needed audience. What you will find here, now, is the same quality - the same honesty - of writing that you did before. Only now, we don't have to worry about being CENSORED. Don’t be shy – leave comments if you’d like. We certainly appreciate them. Just don’t leave them on this particular post, because it gets deleted and reposted every time I put up a new one.
To those of you who are new: There is so much to read - so much ground to cover. I've tried to put more than two years of living into categories, so that if you find yourself interested in reading about something specific, you can isolate those posts. Just check out the Categories at the right, down below the Calendar. You can read about:
Our “love” story is intense, and certainly unique. There's drama, there's obsession, and there's even a divorce in there.
Both the “SEX” and “Depravity” categories will leave you sweaty and aroused, while the posts by “MY LOVE:” will leave you thinking.
There's plenty to read about my time working in “Porn Shops”, “Rants” about nothing in particular, and even some “Funny Stuff” to lighten the mood and keep you entertained.
You'll be able to read about the crazy life we lead as porn producers on “ORL inc.” and marvel at the incredible work we've done producing downloadable perversion on “Clips4Sale”. You’ll also get up-to-date information on our new venture; “HelpMeViolateHer”.
You’ll read original works of “Poetry/Music” and daily musings and reports “outside”.
All of it is honest, and real, and we're just beginning this adventure.
So much to read - you better get started...
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Before we shoot HelpMeViolateHer #3, we have to do #2. On January 14th, we will be going to Valhalla House, in Portland, and shooting with cindi zyre. She is a submissive who has expressed interest in seeing what it’s like to be the sadist for a couple of hours. Apparently she is very nasty, and derives a different kind of pleasure from hurting someone, then from receiving it. That makes sense.
This is what “help me violate her” is about. I don’t really want to do too much performing in these movies, I just want to run the cameras and move things along. Finding someone else with a deviant mind, who wants to hurt MY PROPERTY, is very exciting. Now I can do more witnessing and less worrying about whether or not the cameras are at the right angle, or even recording at all. This means the footage should be of a higher quality, and hopefully I’ll get to capture all the action. You have no idea how much gets lost because I thought I pushed the record button, but didn’t. Or, we move out of camera view without even knowing it.
I knew nothing about cindi until just recently. I was under the impression that she was dominant, but I found out that is her professional persona. Knowing this made things a bit easier for me. I’ve been around “Doms” who would have felt their dominance threatened if I gave a command/order or even instruction, during a scene/video shoot. Some people take that shit way too seriously. I am far too at ease, and easygoing, to let something like that bother me. But perhaps by not “staying in character” something is lost. Maybe I don’t seem in control if I don’t act like an alpha male the entire time, but I just don’t care. Appearances are only that… appearances. Reality is always quite another thing.
We are looking forward to this shoot just as much as the gang bang, but for vastly different reasons. I am looking forward to meeting cindi and watching her enjoy herself. We'll have more details about this movie, once it's happened, so keep reading...
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I just got done talking to my mother, on the phone. We haven’t spoken for many (4+) years, not because we’d had a fight or a falling out, but simply because I haven’t stayed in touch. I am often guilty of moving, or changing a phone number, and not letting the necessary people know until days, weeks, months, or years later. Sometimes, certain people never hear from me again unless they actually make an effort to search for me. Not that I’m that difficult to find.
When I last saw my mother, things weren’t going too well for me. I was still on probation, and had decided to leave the state without permission. At the time, I was living with her in Washington. My decision to move to Oregon was based on… what I can’t exactly remember. I probably just hated Spokane, and wanted to get back to the place I considered home - Portland. By the time I left, there was a warrant out for my arrest, and I guess several officers showed up at my mother’s house looking for me. According to her, they were wearing gear like they expected heavy resistance. That’s just not me.
My mother is now 65 years old. She finally has a cell phone but still doesn’t use the computer. It is a daunting task for her to take on, just learning how to operate one. My mother is kind of a proud lady, so asking for help means swallowing her pride. That’s not something I really understand. I’m not the kind of guy who’ll drive around lost, refusing to ask directions. I want to know how to get back on track so that I can stop feeling frustrated. My mother hates having to ask family members for help, but I remember a time when I had to give the lady both blowjob and anal sex advice, over the phone.
It was summer, and I don’t know how old I was. Maybe mid-twenties. By then, I’d been working in enough adult establishments that my mother was comfortable asking me the occasional question. This is the woman who accidentally opened a manila envelope she thought contained my grades from high school, but actually contained information about A.I.D.S. that I’d requested over the phone. She got the wrong idea – I just wanted to know about the disease – and thought I might be gay. Soon after that, we learned that it was easy to talk about sex, between the two of us. She never had to give me THE talk, or really answer any questions when I was growing up. I learned from school, classmates, and late-night HBO. We never had a problem talking about anything when I was younger, and that included the topic of sex. So, as an adult, when my mother asked me for advice on giving her new husband oral sex, I did not hesitate to give it and she didn’t hesitate to ask. Later in the conversation, anal sex came up and I gave her advice based on my experiences in the adult business and on my personal experiences with girlfriends. We didn’t giggle or talk about how awkward it should feel, we just had the conversation and then moved on to other topics, as you normally would. Having that kind of open, honest communication with a parent was something I knew most people didn’t have, so I valued it.
I’m happy to be talking to my mother again. It’ll be interesting, filling her in on what’s been happening in my life over the last couple of years. Our conversation was brief because she has to worry about her minutes, on her cell phone. Nights and weekends might be free for most people, but this is a woman who has gone to bed by 7pm for as long as I’ve known and lived with her – and that’s a long time. She’s been a waitress pretty much all her life, so getting up early to go to work has become an ingrained habit. I am sure that, when she retires at the end of the year, it will take her quite some time to be able to really sleep in. She woke and went to work early so that she could get home in time to have at least a semblance of a relationship with me. Our family did not include my father at a very early age. So early I simply cannot remember. I was forever visiting him during holidays and summer vacations. My mother did her best to pay the bills and still be a part of my life. It was not easy for her, of this I am certain…
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I haven’t uploaded any footage to Clips4Sale for almost an entire month. In the last three months, I’ve probably placed a total of six clips in four different stores. And yet, I still make the base amount I have been making for months. This means that things are going well.
Those clips, that continue to sell, are pure profit. They became pure profit long ago, and every month they give a repeat performance. I am happy with these results, but far from content. The point, still, is to stop sharing the profit (40% of my sales to C4S) and start keeping all the money. However the economy, as bad as it is, will not allow that just yet. So, we opened the three studios on FetishVideos with the hope of making our base pay for the month close to double what it has been. Starting this month, I think that might begin happening.
Sales were really slow on FetishVideos, but they’ve begun to pick up. Hopefully we’ll wind up on their front page, as a Featured Store, so that some more traffic can come our way. What we have to offer is real, and it is quality. The people who run the site say they have a way of directing specific traffic to the right place, so I’m excited to see if it really works. Clips4Sale is the oldest and the biggest, but they don’t do a whole lot except exist at this point. They really don’t need to.
So, we have the potential sales from Video Mayhem, in New York. We also have the DVD sales from both of our sites. If we get any custom video orders, or someone commissions a HelpMeViolateHer video, we’ll be doing damn good, which is the plan for this year. It’s already starting out fantastic. Sales are where they belong and they’re only going to get better.
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